I squeeze smiles out of you!

Monday, September 18, 2006
10:53 pm

Sat- The heart wants what it wants. And I'm dealing with some midday laziness. I've made a promise to Him; now is the time for righteousness. But I still can't help but put the obedience issue through some serious scrutiny. WHY MUST I LISTEN??!!

For now, everything's starting to turn beautiful; even the simplest pleasures catches my eye, and I'm appreciating the existence of every single day and all it can offer. I almost don't take to offence at all, and I'm overjoyed with each extra step I take.

And now I'm also trying to be organized and prepared way before I set off every time- every night before I go out the next day, I make it a point to pack the things I need to bring along. But that sure doesn't help me being sofa-ed almost every night, even more than half the week, every week.

Sun- My tiredness is definitely not an excuse; but it felt like I was under a trance, with no access whatsoever to my thoughts and intentions. Scary! A gulf between my will and my mind....struggling to stay focused. The spirit simply lost the fight because of the blockage..

We all find new forces to purposefully move us along from time to time. Any prevalent motivations we live by must be of the right spirit, unpopular and unattractive as they sometimes might be. So the question begs: is it enough then for our motivating forces to just help get us to places and attain our aims, even if they get unscrupulous (but convenient)? A tug-of-war between thinking too much; and even lifting a finger to act- ensues on the inside of me.

I always ask, don't people's enthusiasm ever run dry? Here I am ravaged, trapped and wearied by my insignificant thoughts and trivial emotions thinking that there's no point hoping for a better day tomorrow; while other high-achievers out there who have to juggle many more responsibilities and commitments all at once can still manage an uplifting attitude and an energetic gait?!!

I want to see in myself renewed attitudes each morning, every day of my life. Refreshed inspiration; strengthened dreams.

Mon- I start to understand my work ethic and style. I practice 'stress preference', because I know I like to leisurely read about interesting sciences and studies, and get myself immersed in the realm of novels and plays; BUT I don't fancy studying these for tests and exams. The friendly creatures of the readings and the gentle caricatures of the texts suddenly all morph into beasts and demons breathing down my neck!

The weapons: confidence, discipline and diligence.
The mission: develop these qualities through the deliberate forcing out of good habits.

I know I need not fret- I perform better that way. I know I also have to sidestep any priority-competitors.

(David Tao rules!!~ Jay Chou alsoooo... and SHE'S STRONGER THAN ME, I'll admit.)

doodled
XD