Sunday, April 30, 2006
2:31 pm
Will there be more questions?
ANGLES. Welcome; resist.
Certain things keep happening for me.
DESERVED? Height?
New stresses.
LOOK IN. From you.
Sian to commit.
PASSION. Acquired taste.
We'll never know the ugliness behind them.
CONSCIENCE IS? Only act.
TAINTED IMPARTATION, TAKE OVER ME NOW.
INTERTWINE WITH ME, MY EGO.
AND DRIFT INTO ANOTHER STATE OF MIND.
doodled
XD
Whata Good Friday. The carefree beach fun. The passionate pan-night..to be SORELY MISSED.
I'm not gonna give up my soul just as yet though; but people who are missing out on what real love is all about have to seriously reassess their fanaticism over their own current idols.
AND...
The end of myself speaks for itself. Supernatural wooziness kicks in. Got to break out of some form of miry comfort. Plus I've got to reconstruct my entire value system with regards to my relational skills..keeping it uniquely Me at the same time. I can't get glad without much of the right company around me.
The grace distracts me from striving towards goals on my very own. An over-reliance on sheer convenience and welfare will soon reach a break-even point with that of independence and self-sufficiency. Resolute!!
Distancing by cold turkey should be the way to go with much objectivity folded into the mixture. The close bond(age) poses as a deterrent though. Christmas Saga, here we go.... AGAIN. Now, behold a new trio. Beware the old pitfalls.
I GOT IN?
Mercy, MA!
Giving will pay off? It did and shall continue to.
Full.
Thank You.
Balance up again!
doodled
XD
Friday, April 28, 2006
10:29 am
I just find it so hard to exist outside of all my demon desires.
Peel!
To seek!
It's so hard to give. But I know I'm late again.
Meaning to say today may, or may not last- it's up to me.
The novelty of it all....so very beguiling, for this once...again. Whata fag!!
And that sacar continues....
doodled
XD
Thursday, April 27, 2006
12:41 am
"Keeping adult" has been of utmost importance to me now. It will be, from now, a warning beacon for myself.
Celebrations and urgent events coming up and I can't just stay put. Keep adult!! Gotta swing back to high gear again man. Family and friends, here I come.
So as I give and give, then what about me? Am I really a nice person? Whatever that has really benefited my friends and close ones through my own comfortable efforts....another person might just come by and sweep me off my paradigm cushion, my quantifiable yardstick of how much it takes to be giving all one's got for their friends and close ones!! Reminder: BALANCE is always the cornerstone of any kind of success.
Meaning to say, there's no real measuring standard, in any one relationship, to each individual's definition of their way of expressing their love in its most unbridled and magical element; in its most pure and potent form. Love is never a competition. Reciprocal love should never be. To each his own style of displaying acts of unconditional love in sacrificial and untainted fervour. It's intrinsically unique, varied and mystical. The heart overflows into the corresponding word and deed.
And Elliott Yamin performed oh so charmingly.
The novelty is starting to thicken up. In areas it used to wear thin before. Not to mention concupiscence creeping up, compulsive indulgences hard to kick etc..
I'm out. That's okay. I've been torn down all the time and have grown accustomed to rising above it- this time I'm not necessarily pricked substantially cos I didn't expect much out of it anyway. Poignantly pragmatic. Aim high, shoot low.
Told it all, whoops? Club. Booze. Phasic fad that's all.
And so, the incoherent storge has to be realigned. But I'm of sloth!!~
(Stay smooth in all I do. Girl magnet. Cost of living not to be blamed; wealth alone ain't gonna feed the soul. Bonding brings joy through clarity. Cashflow stays hopefully manageable. Surface skimming with a will lost to the wind. Bites. Make. Me. Remember. Lazy to sleep?! Sickeningly neutral.)
doodled
XD
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
1:28 pm
Remember me this way.
The dramas unfolded and waned today.
Saga-ish.
Where are you, Christmas??
MAXWELL WILL HAPPEN.
I've never been zhuai. Not like Steven. Chong-sir is the real degenerate la...till proven otherwise in this twist-infested plot. LAST THREE EPISODES!!
I always believe- it's not the end of the world yet. Fun can always be relived or continued.
The aftereffects of intoxication+fatigue are here right now. Piah-ed with the 523i!!
And the ached jiggles. Feeling superior about that.
Fulfilled alot of things today again; we don't always use the correct words!
But all of this hectic life aside, I'll still have to say this....
Provision has been unending- in cash and in kind. Wow.
So full of grace.
So gratifying is my gratitude.
So anticipating for more.
Phew... And I know my blood circulation's screwy but that night was a helluva joyride in the mind. And so that's all that matters. Keeping it to a minimum though!!
doodled
XD
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
12:50 am
Can you imagine i;m doging this with a 1000% effort to keep m yact togerther? fogort aboutg keepign speeling perfectc nbad my mind claer,,
More fulfillments toyay? ya.
So invogorated.
Today wikl be missed.
doodled
XD
Monday, April 24, 2006
3:49 am
The underdogs and misfits rise up, against all odds, to prominence and jubilation.
We always revel in what transpires there. Is this the subconscious soullish cries of our cores?
But everything comes as nothing and the other way round too. I just can't explain it here- it was such an opportune moment, this click of realization. The mystery thus keeps its status quo.
Another couple of projects handled smoothly again today. But also the very first time I'm recognizing it!! Wasting of time on guilt is the coy ploy exploiting the minimalist minds of ours.
The standard oneness of Myself is simply enjoying Life and every bit it's made of. I'm gonna infect your world. Some of the eye-openers today, have never ever made me border on missing the point. So since nothing is blown away unreasonably, the mind's sound. The love fills. The power learns.
The desperation in trust is coming on to me. Wear off then wear off la.
(Fulfillment of some items on my to-do list. 3. Beefed up.)
IT IS FINISHED.
I'm all alone now..and quivering. When you're at the end of yourself FOR NONE TO BENEFIT, what then? Time to settle some scores; some old debts. WEF now, Still Small Voice You reign.
doodled
XD
Sunday, April 23, 2006
3:37 am
Emblazoned in me as an unique identity is the butterflying shifts I always observe to keep ceaselessly oscillating, to and fro.
Eye care. Change this and that. Seriously considering it. Hmmm..
Smells of the Past today.. Ahhhh. Vrroooomm.
The questionable issue of bendable ethics arises again..how much more bearable will it be till it's deemed unforgivable? When to accept or let go? Intentions justify the act; or is the act itself the sole representative in any circumstance? Understanding takes itself too lightly to be taken for granted.
Everyone seems so different nowadays...perhaps due to the tainted line of sight that shuts Us all up? Dull aches have come.
Covetousness too.
doodled
XD
Saturday, April 22, 2006
2:25 am
The true mark of a complete detachment from the real world...a variety-deficient life...and boredom and emptiness......
IS IN ME IDOLIZING UPON THE SEDIMENTATION OF BLOG ENTRIES UPON MORE ENTRIES.
doodled
XD
Yuck.
But. Then. Acceptance has been the only way to stay afloat nowadays..in this world.
Kinda cool lingo, refreshing approach and all, if you think about it circumspectly AND impartially. So kudos to some bold display of gay pride.
But still.... AM I GONNA SHUN THEM? Man this is unfamiliar ground. Strictly speaking, feelings of uneasiness has just been what society conjures up for us to feel- to own it or not just takes some freewill. Gonna just crank up some courteous interacting, if ever the chance arises. Why put yourself through hesitant measures huh.. And I don't plan for such arbitrary occurrences!
(Luxuries. Far...aWAaaYYYyyy.
He doesn't know what we'll choose?
Energies!! Songsss..
Addictions break.)
doodled
XD
The eyes need saving.
Can't find any ground to rest my frenzied feet.
Empowered to be enslaved? Blurry day.
The nerves gave way to a drifting sensation of nonchalance.
Fatigue mixed with too much on too little. But still pressing on.
Still my screwy self today.
Things could never be the same again with that one incident.
I NEED BLEACH.
doodled
XD
Friday, April 21, 2006
1:54 am
WHAM.
Came like silence. Fell like a rock.
All else faded underneath. This compulsive obsession has been hindering everything all along.
We all need some space; we all need being found faultless. Rushing wastes me.
Yngwie Malmsteen! But check this out first. Going to burst with respect.
My wants and how I feel about them. I'm at the end of my rope and pressured from a couple of sides, not many. But the solace lies in relativity- others are out there needing so much more strength than me...than me.
But I'm still awaiting that release. Then again I foresee, it's not my wants that need fulfilling. I wanna give something deep to people too, noting the differentiation in humanity's problems. What then, after being filled? WE MUST RUN DRY AGAIN WHAT. Jobs go around like this!!
When you're running out of things to get excited about, and you don't have any real time to yourself anymore, where and how are you gonna find that oasis? It's not just the pressing concerns now that's shaking me up. The malfunctioning computer and the troubled teen- ingredients as well.
What awaits the earnest soul? Ensure your last line of defence- your very own mind, still stands and is willed to emerge from the mire. Stick with you through it all, for you all. That's one source of regaining the riches. My increase's thick with that usual dull hue of a suppressed self-indulgent clarity.
The generosity issue's wearing me out. Need that bit of Transactional Spirit to kick in? Definitely. Where's the shame? People have got enough of that, please. I'm far atop it.
The real deal begins with no less than just a bunch of cheesy lines. Embodied within is a rebirthed vision.
Markedly contrasting flow. Need the okay pat.
BAM.
doodled
XD
Thursday, April 20, 2006
4:13 pm
Clarity. Above all else.
And sleep debts never get repaid!!
doodled
XD
Cao Ge and Shakira and All-American Rejects and Pussycat Dolls..lovables!!
Been up all night, every night. Talkings.
The imperfections in someone are paradoxically what makes that person attractive!!
Getting around in Singapore sucks time and money outta me, what a nuisance. The nature of my appointments these days don't seem to cancel out the resources wasted. Except in some.
Time to strike up some of those peskily momentary push-factors. Never seen such cavities before! Utter gratitude at the sheer professionalism though.. AND IT'S ALL TRANSACTIONS.
Balance up and move off.
doodled
XD
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
11:44 pm
Nonok? Hilarious. Overlook the rudeness la.
Hips Don't Lie..Beep!! Current top 2 fave songs on the radio!
My horns and beams can be counted on one hand you know. Plain courteous or over-obliging? My style infiltrates my ego.
When your meadows are slashed where will you turn to? Someday we'll understand the meaning of it all. Vexed. And uglier, vented!! WHYYYY.
So..... I'll never be negligent toward the raising of children. My very own.
There was no recognition or appreciation or even consolation to say the least AT ALL, but I still went on, to be reconciliatory and acted against what I'd impulsively decide on..was so glad I didn't worsen moods destructively.
I am somewhat moving up and on- a metamorphosis, that far surpasses anything humanly perceivable by the natural senses.
The other time it was exciting and extravagant because of the novelty of it all, and an allure to an analytical and zealous individual. BUT this time round, I blew my top and found an unhealthy outlet. This was definitely because I sustained several hard blows to the physique and the morale. Physically, mentally and emotionally- on AN EMPTY TANK. That's why I said I could bite you where it hurt most. But I knew better. I know I have 4.
But the snapping is on its way..buried my head by an emission of radiation while I was waiting for nothing. Inspiration spurts through an intoxicating fatigue. Because meritocracy doesn't touch on '''''''''''''''' true opportunities and appointments~! Hence the political science craze also from Augustine.
I can't swallow; it's much more professionally done. The pain is Life brought through the recording. They don't finish it all the time; so why must I?
I'll always be here; there's always another time.
"The goal is to learn, not to judge."
-Susan Mayer, Desperate Housewives
doodled
XD
Monday, April 17, 2006
7:39 pm
I didn't have a bad day today..inconvenient and ruining, and menial and vexing as it was.
I cranked up some positivity.
Tomorrow is just worse. But tomorrow is also the end of it all.
But me facing it like how I ought to scares me... It's like I can't seem to hit rockbottom. This evolution is just plain creepy..a force that's unsteady and wavering..yet full of promise and hope!
Cleared the shit.
Now..
Stay atop of it still!!
doodled
XD
I DON'T GEH GAO ANYMORE.
I AM A WUNDERKIND.
It's coming soon.
I'm leaving soon.
doodled
XD
Ushering myself into a new phase in my life never was as pathetically unstable and uncertain as this now..
How much longer must I bear with the customs and formalities of Man? It is almost akin to being subjected to getting by underneath my element. It's like I'm crawling to escape from my existence itself.
Alternate states of consciousness!! This should be a reliable form of sustenance..
But right now, I can't take it all in, and I'm drunk on exhaustion.
Insecurity creeps in as a force to be reckoned with. Butterflying from person to person right here and right now thrills, but kills.
The surrealism of this all. The forget-me-nots...Must be hurled aside sometimes.
doodled
XD
Sunday, April 16, 2006
1:18 am
Eppie!
My eppies would be.. No regrets (they don't work); moving quick and efficient to keep covering new ground; keeping all these, to my utmost ability, in Balance.
Harvest day today felt weird. It was draggy and I dreamy; yet I was spunky and they courtly.
The trend's kicking in. Again. It's just characteristic of all my major breaks. Hunger and exhaustion don't mean a thing... So travel fair, here we come.
I wish I weren't too dependent on the convenience...but my card's damaged and discarded!!
And I really need to start to seriously hone my vocal techniques. What good is it to you if you own a sparkling voice yet lose your precious larynx? Are you not just like those in the world?
Starting off smooth; sustaining the form.
Happiness!!...with regards to my future. Sleep in Heavenly Peace.
(The streaming in of persons; the forgetting and the extrication. Flattery? Endorphins can't contain more lives! Blurred vision; waiting for replies; getting things done unknowingly; missing out on identity issues.)
doodled
XD
Saturday, April 15, 2006
1:32 am
Is it possible to stay within the boundaries of the rulebook all the time? I believe there's a diversification of wits and wiles WITHIN those margins.
So, when faced with nothing else but a choice of the greater of two evils, whatchagonnadothen? Stay and not stray, albeit risk pulling off something improper and crooked? Noooooo.
I hope I'm honest. With myself. I'm not around here just to have things proved.
Ahhhh.
The bird's eye principle works wonders.
"Know the game, play it and then win them in it."
Man that was insightful.
And omg..I'm bushed again.
doodled
XD
Friday, April 14, 2006
2:59 pm
A barrage of commitmentdemands. In that way. And this. You know, those two main headaches of all men.
doodled
XD
ARGH. Hate the hurtful sore and rupture. Can't stretch it fully or be totally sure of what's going on inside.
Felt dreadfully stupid today, but the sensible side intervened. This ain't a good mood thing; it's a genuine gratitude.
Challenging manoeuvres today- lost heaps of time and and got lost in heaps of frantic mindlessness. Missed some scheduled appointments, one resulting in an overlooking with minimal repercussions, another in a rampage fueled by a grave motivation. Both shook me equally hard.
It's not just a minute facet of life; and yet I'm still succumbing to the draw of the Self.
Opened my eyes to the days of yesteryear- in a vastly different backdrop. The company has evolved over the years as well. Saw the doors opening for me somewhat in my favour again, in that manner. Grabbed at it ever so thoughtlessly once more...WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN?! I'm downright double-faced..
And I'm not thinking straight now. Thanks to that human sugar cube!
But, throw all those inadequacies and disparagements at me!! Overpower me with the shrapnel of defeat and the rubble of emptiness. I withstand and hold up, because I fail, to rise again.
So close. Staying strength. She can. So I can.
"I don't wanna spend my life jaded,
Waiting, to wake up one day and find
That I let all these years go by-
Wasted.
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night.
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted."
-Carrie Underwood- Wasted
doodled
XD
Thursday, April 13, 2006
2:02 am
Dream what isn't there! Tone and lingo, values and priorities..all gibberish and baloney. But they ain't hogwash or balderdash tho'..
Act.
Today, I squeezed. Before camp.
And the deeper forgiveness made available. Turning me away again..
Sigh, but on with the programme..
WORK, WORK and MORE WORK!!
The Stand, The Stand, The Stand, The Stand, The Stand!!
Driving while taking it for granted... Whoa.
[I don't like ''So what're you going to do later/now/tomorrow/in future?'']
doodled
XD
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
11:46 am
Rushmore. A new meaning. Not thrilled at all by this.
Mildly heck. Cold turkey. Just getting the job done alone will suffice.
I've got to forcibly and coolly manoeuvre myself out of stickiness and inconvenience.
My bazaar. Their bazaar. My receptors are in overdrive.
The weakness from the blindness. But why?
Stop forgetting the crux and the necessities. My dreams refresh.
My OCD hinders me from subscribing wholly to divinity.
Staying above my element means understanding myself.
A clique that has a lasting chemistry..that's the one!!
The greater good is health- one of many cultivated principles.
I can lose but I'll learn. And I still need direction.
I'll still be here. Blog in the other style please, the next time.
doodled
XD
Today's a max out on my intoxication quotient. Well there were so many appointments, and more were impromptu than planned. That I felt the whole day was more than 24 hours.. Sweet food.
Hungry and tired? Please..think carefully. They can't co-exist. Experientially. So it's like, "What am I doing and saying now man?!!"
SORRY, PLEASE, THANK YOU!!
Boyish kid. But powerful enough. Swarms of foreboding; or irritation; or fear? Superband was trashy. YOU CAN'T EAT FRUITS?? My mileage has been seized, on the dot. 150 ok? Off went the defaced card so I'm somewhat handicapped now. Do I really have to say this? All these?
Koh Phangan, I am running to Her embrace.
Success is sometimes nothing but a gazillion-step process. With all that catching up done today, I've realized how all has changed in them. Me somehow staying put.
The calm through the wreck. The rationing of resources for future plans- a dogged foresight. The detachment drive, professional and purposeful. The chain reaction of Murphy's, albeit magnanimous and mocked at. And sometimes losing out.
New faces. What a reverie today was. Stop screwing up. Or screwing.
(Execrable weaknesses weighs me down.
But I've The Stand.)
With arms high and heart abandoned.
THIRTY-SIX!!
doodled
XD
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
12:36 am
Another reason to go SMU- JADE.
My whole world got ripped apart when she lost. Last night.
Oh, how I loved her so!!
BUT not that much though, after today's The New Paper lent me some insights. Broken.
And she's taken too. Grrr..
Bummer!!!!!!!!~
ARGGHHHHH.
She must know my devotion.
(Research, research, research...)
doodled
XD
Sunday, April 09, 2006
12:26 pm
Cool sounds! Stellar plot!
Red. Redness screams at meee.
The state of knowing sends me through a multi-dimensional perception. Whhhooooshh.
Slurped.
Music sending and receiving fills the day, today.
AND... Back to camp, heavy-laden with the need to forget and the urge to end.
COMING UP...MISS SINGAPORE UNIVERSE AND SUPERBAND 2006!!
(Bedding- a tonner..
Hermaphroditism.
It's at my doorstep- the whole world entices!!)
doodled
XD
Saturday, April 08, 2006
1:03 am
Everything is meaningless!
Wearing out are some infectious endorphins. This is because there's no Life on earth.
We should all be One. But why Babel then?
There's still spirituality! We all exist within Form. But see what's encompassing beyond. Gonna be There in due time..
I love pop culture from a spiritual point of view!
Immortality- we never say goodbye..
Inspirations deal with the soul only. But the allure and intrigue of the depths of our innate connectedness to the supernatural: good and/or bad...it just..subtly seduces.
Seriously. Kicking this habit.
Naturally flaky!
It's hard not to lose sight of the real thing in this world of crime.
Abundant choices thronging toward me now. Sit down and appreciate- no more!
(The embodiment of character; the fulfillment of prophecies!)
Hungry? And pressured?
Get down to deciding which it is. And move on along.
The end is waiting..or does it just extend into forever?
Sitting here wishing It were still here; and It were gone.
But I'll act.
doodled
XD
Friday, April 07, 2006
1:45 am
I need to complete and complement others' lackings and partialities.
I'm unwilling to shift from my current state although it's unpopular.
Need some authentic exposure out there at work. The Break's ending. Reality's kicking in. Longing for refreshing perspectives outside of this cave. Ready or not, I have to get going.
I have an affinity for keeping everything unconventionally shame-free, and an unusual push factor toward everything that screams Rare and Unique and Queer.
And it thrills me to delve into the reality of Infinity we all are dwelling in, yet ironically concealed from it a full grasp of the magnitude in its entirety.
Sacrificing my pleasure and convenience would sound valiant and virtuous, but the beauty of the moment is slewn as well! But my luxuries should all be trivial for me to be able to move on quick. Now cooperate.
She went out? What?!?!
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
-Psalms 30:5 (NIV)
doodled
XD
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
8:06 pm
Just almost there..
Minor adjustments needed.
Words, no matter how flamboyant and bombastic, will soon turn stale and cliched. I soon clamour for new forms of expression- and verbalizing that seems rather stifling. I find quotes that once were impacting to me to be cheesy and flavourless now.
One of my many OCDs.
MY MILEAGE!!
And a chance to make it all good.
Ahhh..speaking of which, all da areas of my life I'm in love with seem to be falling right in place!
WHHHOOOOSHHH.
doodled
XD
Monday, April 03, 2006
7:52 pm
But that was after an emancipating drive. Aware of the attachments though.
Thank yous again. I can finally pursue passion with some possible vehicles now!
I'll continue to add deliberate slip-ups to entertain.
An innocent facade over some kinky sleaze really turns up my dial.
Drivebye.
doodled
XD
Hanging by a thread- in perpetuum.
Pushing the Envelope- rehashed.
Not ever gonna regret today.
Or now.
Amaranthine.
doodled
XD
Thankful, thankful, thankful, thankful, thankful, thankful, thankful, Thankful, THANKFUL.
Never before in my entire life has every planned appointment fit so snug and perfect in timing and schedule. As today! Lifted out of a mindtrap. Into what I trusted would be thrusted into my hands if I held on. Climbs bring to us summits.
I should relax my perceptors, and receive as a child. Complicating any receipts obstructs real experience. By this I mean to stop intellectualizing everything and start to trust the other senses as reliable sources of input also, of course in balance. Acceptance, need you big time!
Thank You GOD. What grace.
I WILL REMEMBER TODAY.
Now snap out of this indulgence.
doodled
XD
Saturday, April 01, 2006
1:17 pm
Hold on...keep on holdin' on..
The strain.
What's wrong with contemplating everything?
This pneumatic drill boring into my skull.
JARRING DRONE.
KEEP ME HOLDING ON.
Solid ground to step on..where!?
No pain, no gain.
Losing sight of any legitimate reason to turn.
Yet I feel like I'm punching the air.
Bu I'm not gonna see this fail once again.
doodled
XD