I squeeze smiles out of you!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006
4:02 am

This blood rush that I have to my head, or from it- or whatever feeling it's called whenever I'm recovering from any strenuous or engrossing activity and moving on...it's real hard to shift my focus to the next piece of task that demands my attention and prowess. And then I know how much more I need to brush up on my multi-tasking.

Now, I've become less prone to putting up vehement and competitive arguments with intentions of conquering all who stand in my way in any fiery debate. Perhaps I've seen the need to know exactly where I stand. Maybe you've caused that change. Smiles.

Me and my big mouth- I've gotta keep this wilful and impulsive organ in check, otherwise I'm gonna keep getting myself into unwanted quagmires.
But he's unconditional. And there's been a growing attraction (fused with remnants of a bad past).

Sentosa;
LAN;
Kbox.
Hey, Mr. Packed.
Look at all those winged notes!! But they've gone to good use!!(??) And who's to say it's all good spending? Me, while I splurge and self-console; or the receiving parties (me included) who truly experience satisfaction value?

And I realize I'm open and accepting to people with anomalous sexual tendencies...I really don't have the capacity to despise or condemn them. But that don't mean I tolerate the proximity and intimacy!

It's time I stamp out any form of owing. My bank for instance. That has indeed been a tragic depletion of finances there. I'll start with settling that.

Our 'old place' makes me start to wander off into reminiscence. And it's a dreamlike realm, I tell you. Where you miss everything and want to relive all that you've once let go. I miss the niceties of speech; I miss the carefree childhood; I miss the misty memories....

At times, I just can't feel. It's not a wrong thing per se; but it kind of causes me to stagnate in a void I've created on my own, liking to be bound by illusory shackles. And when the reverse happens- when I cannot ask for greater warmth and fuzz....I relish the joy and bask in all its goodness and then I forget to come down to earth.
2 things primarily:-
a) I have been repressing me. And... it had to take me till now to admit and acknowledge that!
b) There's really strength in vulnerability- how else can you be lifted up if you ain't down first?

But if I react quick- based on His accord, I'd realize that He's always been saving. Whatever am I lamenting and mourning about then?

Like I said, I've gotta react faster when I think, speak and act. Sometimes it only applies to one of the 3 but the decision still takes root (of course not foregoing effectiveness and propriety)...
Moreover I can't help it if I have made certain impression stains already..tomorrow I can learn to make up/move along- fly away from worries, and the like.

doodled
XD