I squeeze smiles out of you!

Thursday, August 31, 2006
10:06 pm

Oh how much I ache at the act of using hard money.

My frame of mind has not changed- maybe an even greater entity framing up my perception of the surroundings is what needs to see a bigtime overhaul.

Don't you all sense it? The concept of Atmosphere- whenever you step into different environments, the general mood of that particular setting, be it the school or church or army camp, even within the numerous cliques we all have....they all carry with them a distinct vibe and air about them... The lingo, the culture, the inclinations, the influence. The trick here is to shift and adapt before they get you in- captive.

I'm having this done right before August ends. I'd actually intended to give myself a month's break over the entire month of September, but that means I'll miss this blog's first-year anniversary. So I'll still update it next month. My blood flows through this, you know.

So what's the big deal, I've been busy asleep.

I've got my struggles and commitments getting me down in the worst possible way. In addition, I've got negative externalities spinning me round and round. I can't even begin to capture the tragic reality of it in here....you feel disappointed and exasperated and confused and overwhelmed. And when you're swimming in mercury, trust me, you can't see the pool end even if it's a metre away. But the point is you still reach the end. However, my route taken was one of numb and hopeless desperation, like bashing through pitch black and thick vegetation. Arduous battle till no end.

My opinions all have their basis, and I'm glad I'm clear about them now. BUT this doesn't give me the right to be unruly and insensitive. And proud and fake.
Everything I let pass by me is trivial and unworthy. Everything's passable in my eyes. Except those larger than life issues that need some quality addressing.

This is why I'm moving on...to lead. In teensy ways first; then biggies way later. Lead= serve though!

There're so many lapses of events in between my blog entries. I've grown resigned to the fact that not everything can be comfortably seized at the reach of a hand, or accounted for with the luxury of time; that I must either: work on time management and retain the consistency of my blog posts, OR quit fighting to need to get everything down in print all the time.

I have to be clear. I can't do that.

My lack of sleep rules with an iron fist. Fireworks and BBQs have always had special places in my heart.

doodled
XD