Heralding the longest ever post.

The person that I could perfectly relate to, all of a sudden.... is the only friend I'd ever worship! And the very reality of it pierces deep like a homing missile to the depths of my spirit. My loving feeling, my hiding place. My intangible yet solid rock. I hold on to the unshakable in the incorporeal.

I meant it so much. The dynamism broke through my dam, into my very kernel. This was the power for the hour indeed. To clarafy was not to act on our own decisions anymore, I realized. My spirit tap was on and every promise was perceived as within my reach. Every moment, another reason. I could be too naive at that time. But the high-pitched finale motivated me further, in a very practical manner.

Then the first confession brought forth relief. A sharp swerve in course of events which was once comfortably acceptable for a very long time. At this point, my burden somewhat lifted and a great many birds were thought to have been killed with one stone, by this decision. I never wanted to defy nor betray. Had I been too nice that I suffered with a facade of enjoyment? "ONCE IN AWHILE, ONCE IN AWHILE" blocked out all the words and faces of concern, yes.

And so I thought, why get all hyperactive and passionate when it's all going down to sub-zero self reproach again in full circle? I've foregone genuine physical health- masked only by the musk of exorbitant indulgences and arousing vanities.

She's The Man was so sweet I'm gonna catch it again. I wanna wish it were like my life story, but if life stories were like but ONE LONE MOVIE I can't say and think much of its dimensions and depths... my prequels and sequels are far too resplendent and swashbuckling to comprehensibly chronicle onscreen....well, in a book perhaps.

Why the extensive contours in my life, at this period? Relentlessly albeit decisively rushing through each stage and strata has naturally become the trump card....

Dad's respectable quotes. Bro's unexpected calls. Mum's usual acts. Sis's beloved sincerity. Everyone's opened up and drawn in close with my impending crisis.

An intense vortex.

A whirl of unfurling drama shot right through like a snowball with the destiny of a comet- the steady build-up ending as quickly as it began. What started as a laid-back day of secret fun with some good company broke forth to an ominous foreshadowing. Like the surefire prize of a pregnant lady- that nervous confidence.

Bulldozing its way past all rationale and logic was the substandard The Last Stand, an opportune guest appearance, the timely phonecall and the ruthless yet inexorable decision. I was itching to burst anyway. The palpitating pulse went berserk for hours. The layer of goodwill atop all the enmity and bitterness was rather discernible although I tried hard to suppress and dismiss it.

So the first night was thus concluded, full of hope buried by uncertainties; and an incredulous yet gratified look on my mouth- at all its work.

I didn't believe in bad love sufficing in the place of no love. Good quality love was the only plausible path. But I didn't come to take over. It was a magical beginning, and an enthralling ride thus far. My new chapter. And my need to maintain that Peace Policy- combining what the heart wants versus what the world deems right was like treading on a tightrope over the crashing Niagara. But I wanted to see it through.

The culmination in a three-pronged attack saw in itself the only happy ending out- one of three sacrifices had to be made by one of us.. I didn't rush it, I could follow; but she'd see a hiccup in priorities. I'd rather have her; but he could never swallow that reality. I could get myself extricated from this slimy muck; but lose one, or worse, two dear ones if my choices had warped reasons or if I had chosen to rely on the unthinking and unfeeling Self. The interdependent nature of us three had always been, and will always be.

All the love from me that hasn't shown itself strong (it hasn't just cos I can't feel it/can't show it- and seriously nothing else)....is really there. But because I'm not adeptly in touch with my emotional side, they'd all suffer. But crunchtimes would always show all my real intent. Selfish? The essence of true love was really TESTED then. Tearing is a responsibility. The desperate heart overflowed into salvaging words at the most crucial point, and at the end of the third day, not only was TTSH a familiar route, a genuine expressiveness of the truest nature shone through all the frost. And Real Change emerged through the thawing crevices.

Nothing was ever wrong in this; integrity and bigger hearts were just some necessary ingredients. Nothing that the world perceives about this soap opera will ever help it fathom the actual workings of the unconventional beauty of this spellbinding fruition from the inside out; so, only time will serve as the most correct litmus test. And although the road to inner healing and complete reconciliation will be an arduous and gruelling marathon, I believe we've seen the ugliest and most painful of it all? Seriously, I pray for a speedy recovery. Kudos to God; to the leaders; and to all who've advised before and are still advising.

God is good. We're all not intentionally evil, but sometimes we might still cause people to think otherwise. It's inevitable. But I'm going to prove all detractors wrong. May the unwavering power of love rebuild and invigorate! It's all going to be different now, and my (new)voicemail message has again turned obsolete. People already know; and time is ticking. The heart and mind CAN collide. The opportunist acts and he is right; for all he needs is to know what governs his frame of mind and what propels him ahead. But with stripping these away, he knows no bounds to his flight to happiness.

Whata ride.

Knowing that all that had passed me by had turned itself around for the better, I knew this getaway couldn't be more appropriately timed than immediately after the ordeal. I was thisclose to not going at all la; it was partially dependent on the outcome of the chain of events the day before. Me and my moods. And who better to go with than with two of my most hedonistic buddies, Shawn and Raymond! It kicked off with a rough start, and with an empty and angry stomach, and some disturbed and bumpy sleep, our patience wore thin. And. We. Thought. This. Would. Be. A. Wasted. Trip.

But that soon changed. What the resort lacked in decent amenities and variegated activities, was made up for by the amiable and genuine staff and the immaculate charm and polish of the sun, sand and sea. Beyond the shadow of a doubt, it was undeniably the ultimate epitome of artistry and pulchritude in the whole of Malaysia. The refined picturesque view of BLUE, BLUE and WHITE. Not even green nor beige! We then knew we had to make this worth our while.

And over the course of our three-day stay at the second best resort, Redang Beach Resort (next to the most popular and posh Laguna Redang Resort) on the best strip of beach (personal bias) of the whole island (hope you understand with the lousy grammar), we soared above the bare minimum of recreation the resort and island could offer, and generated our very own brand of entertainment and fun! World Cup '06 was on but none of us cared much for it...we were too tangled up in 400+ photos, the lovely air-con sand, frolicking in the sheer beauty of undersea scenery, lazing on the bed and unwinding in the sun, not caring for programmes and schedules at all....

And of course, the boozy beach parties at night with us three turning up the thrill and hysteria in the crowds WHEREVER we set foot on! Robert was the mascot rohahaha. And who could leave out that infamous girl hunt that made us overnight favourites there. Our shopping cart of emails! OUR FUN= we did not just take what was already given us; we created our own doors. Oh yes, unexpected openings presented themselves too!!~ And the moon had this halo encircling itself, twenty times its own diameterrrrrr.......how cool is thatttt. Ahhh, Koh Phangan.....

I won't keep bluffing myself- alienation has swept past; and will continue to advance. Self-denial is not the way to go. I will make this work with the OtherOne. My identity faces some kaleidoscope-therapy. But it has still retained its ever-consolidating form. Lastly, I have never come across an apter tune than this- one that captures the very heartbeat of the current phasic parameters I'm caught within:

The end of my post is here and now. I didn't sleep at all. My low spirits now feel distant from me. But so does my joy. I'm tugged at the middle- purged clean, and dazed from my exertion at this masterpiece. Square one, here I come.