I squeeze smiles out of you!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006
12:11 am

27/5- The jubilant glee I've both released and received from family and friends alike; the emotive welling up stemming from an absolute love and pride (with noble and expressive gestures included); the scrumptious goodness of heart candies: unbridled camaraderie reintroduced/reforged, and the immaculate indulgences in the ceremonies, the delicacies, having the vocals publicized and ferrying men and goodies; the mastery of self-amazement from the uncovered treasures of vigilance, efficiency, proactivity, witty hilarity, affability and confidence. Eye-openers simply went ballistic and worked like magic on the droopy eyelids- throughout the whole of this Glorious Pride Day! And it just felt like a year's worth of ecstatic bliss. Time spent at the astounding suite simply blew me away with the blatant and unescapable truth. My conviction was reignited.

28/5- The guilt of missing out on service as a result, on this day. And the quick and constant readjustment of my outlook swipes that devil out of sight. And culinary delights came lavishing down the gullet like a desert waterlogged- and croaking for a cessation! This ECP Bakerzin Day/Purple Chalet Day was one where lazing and strolling around relaxably was crossed with tensions arising amongst drivers galore. But I love such reunions though! And SI's just mad. The first few signs of cracking up exhibited themselves as a confirmation to me, although there was closure. And I also really couldn't care less so swept aside they went, cos wooziness was King.

29/5- The realization set in even further... Steps were taken, and the desire was still searing hot on the inside. Spoke the word and voila! Pri/Sec/36- I bumped into them all. This Over The Hedge Day was made up of a motley lineup...strange gathering. And funny it was! Now I've got a couple to go to catch up on now.... And I should really organize an expedition to rescue mah Elephant. But organize=> $$$. GETTING IT~!!!!! The plans for the days to come...the covert operations and the intensifying fear of Armageddon and its correlated repercussions...a mounting phobic paranoia of coverblowers popping out of nowhere on the streets, lurking at any corner, anytime...today's lethargy and fruitlessness blended in with the common burden of juggling pressing issues and appointments altogether...the fear morphing stealthily into a defensive motivation to steer out of the darkness asap. Cut the funk for awhile please, it's all adding up in my head like a ticking bomb! Sigh. It's culminating into something hard to handle; but it's something I'd do that I'd never ever regret. No backing out now. Cold turkey again.....

BUT. After the glistening apex had been conquered, and I'd tasted the sickening sweeeeetness of it all (which really just went by in the blink of an eye, but still nevertheless left a permanent impression on me); I figured there'd be a steep dip sometime soon. Not one which'd cause me to break, but still a dip.

Here it is: caught between the devil and the deep blue sea..
1) to tear at each other is gonna be inexorably imminent, for the new threshold (it was rather makeshift in fact) had been encroached upon again- my openness had bred apt catalysts;

2) to freely express with no holds barred, and to fight together against all the opposing odds to emerge as the proof to silence all, once and for all (tied to the abovementioned too);

3) to cope with and be atop all my material circumstances (which coincides with my dire need to quickly gain a bigger clarity and some quality direction as one self-sufficient adult, borne from my unique identity and core essence- both gradually being rediscovered);

4) to put an end to all faltering and hesitation- one life to live: I gotta do myself proud;

5) to regain and maintain a healthy balance: at the end of each ambitious day, I need solace and strength from the One who must be the closest to me (my wars I do not fight by myself no more);

6) miscellaneous goals and targets- both my vocals and physique need shaping up; hedonism and slogging out CAN coexist. This- is the very heartbeat of perfecting the art of Balance. Shawn's like, ditto.

3 days left. But it's really like any other ordinary day. And I'm shedding my cocoon only then. The epochal grandeur of setting off on my reenchanced path in Life on such a principal occasion simply makes for my own catharsis. But it doesn't just need to feel good. Cos I won't be all unscrupulous, see.

(Mariah Carey and Bee Gees- what's in common between these 2? And whoa whoa, now that's a big clue. Hoooooo~)

doodled
XD