I squeeze smiles out of you!

Saturday, December 31, 2005
8:53 pm

I'm sorry. Have been busy with loads of engagements, a major one being STUCK IN CAMP. And sighs.. Tripitaka was so noble.

Ah. Finally. A few more hours left to the next year.
*tick, tock, tick, tock*
Time goes by, so slowly..so slowly..

How're you guys taking it? Why're there people not outside partying?!?! Good la, the more people away from the parties, the more space to move about. Lol.
I'm at home. But I'm gonna be out again soon. COUNTING DOWN. Fatigued. But ecstatic. Intoxication!! Shutting out the addiction to stay online.. Urgh.

And the holiday mood makes for some sweet ol' chao keng. Lol!
Chao keng ah, chao keng ah, chao keng, chao keng, HOI!!

Can you imagine? The last ever post of the year. Feels so nostalgic. A fledgling blog. In its teething stages. Now facing a monumental milestone. A psychological barrier. It's on the brink!! Yay!!

Ah well, later. Intoxication is never gonna taste so familiar..
Perfect. Pumped up the size and colour already, for this one. Fun fun fun! People. Movements. Sights. Sounds. Oh man I sound so deprived. This year is gonna POP WITH ME BANGING THE POPPING BANG BANG.
Bye guys!

Coming up..something real deep. Brace yourselves.

doodled
XD

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
7:39 pm

The world has resized. Too tight for my capacious itch. Something's brewing. A revolution must ensue. The kernel in all of my expanse summons it. It is a staple phase.
I want to write like the bane of my existence is on the brink. There is no longer any lineage for the value of brilliance and zeal. The source is suffocatingly temporal. The fulfillment never came as immersion.
The grasp at reality loses out to a skirmish of mental concepts. The stable footing flounders at the defining crossroads. The commotion then takes a vacation - to accentuate the lunacy.

A perfect world can never be constructed. I choose. I live. I triumph.
Because inspirations never fade; they merely hide. Because perfection is found in cliches; and in the simple. Because beauty is shone when it is shared; not contained. Because life's meaning cannot be questioned; it is lived out.
Because I know thoughts like these are appreciated. Because the Voice residing within has been still, as ever. Even throughout the tumult. A focused peace I own. A deep tenderness I remember. A step up the rung that awaits.

doodled
XD

Monday, December 26, 2005
7:05 pm

The time is now. The past has gone, we move on. More mature with each step forward. The things we do. The people we talk to. The thoughts we entertain. Revolves around nothingness. Where is the point. Why is that the point? Purpose. Each defines one's own. The first day is now. The first day is pleasant. Sing to this. Evermore. Beliefs energize. Feel like behaving. Drag. For the sake of it. Take the load for granted. Lead the stride- light and blissful. Beauty is chasing. Got to run faster. Proper life. The first day is now. The first day never left. Dwell not on what the world takes you to. Understand it slow. Choices are mellifluous. Overflowing with the will to reach. Take sides with the wind. Temporal and subliminal existence. Today. Bittersweet. The senses find another face. Expire the boundaries. Then run. Limitless. The blind words and the pervasive forces so undeniable. Touch those. Then touch me. Then. The love of unconcern. The audacity of choices. The day demarcations touch dreams. Disconnected from all moods. Remember that locked feeling. Life flows into an altar. Make it count. A depth the mass fathoms. Usurped tomorrow. Useless energy and space. At the fingertips, perfect premonition. Go! Shiver. Do! Admire everything. Fragrance of this stylistic stupor. Kissed. Translated. Invisible, eternally.

Ease into a change. Chill. I just missed myself. And the days.

doodled
XD

Sunday, December 25, 2005
8:26 pm

I wanna start being a presents person too. I LURVE ALL OF THE GIFTS I GOT JUST NOW!!! Hoho.
And out I go to Cine again for Narnia.

The break is ending, never mind! I'm way too high on Life already.

Bring on the shiongness!

doodled
XD

Neckache. Fatigued carcass. Light-headed trance.
A hyperactive mind. Exhilarated spirits. Unspeakable fun.
Indescribable night. Orchard Road. Possible wonderment?

It's just last night that's doing this to me. Or the whole of yesterday, actually. I can post ALL I want- the thrills. But I won't be doing it justice. I'm just not going to relive it within such confines and in such a fashion. It's probably because I'm just too tired to dwell on it until an expiry date taints it. Never, ever gonna be ruined.

How else can one be satisfied with lost beauty? Mements. Moments of memories. Just like the rain outside my sliding door: there it is visible and falling; there it is seeping into crevices, gone; there it is waiting to be reawakened in due time, in its rebirth as future mements. Of rain once again.

Sleep. What Heavenly Peace ordains. 25th.

doodled
XD

Saturday, December 24, 2005
11:02 am

Today is a good day cos yesterday was a blast. And the sun's shining so brightly!! Why not yesterday when I wanted to tannnn..

Anyway, Christmas this year for me is very much different. And more special than those in the past years. It was always like going through the motion during every Christmas in the past, with the usual programmes and the relatively celebrative mood. BUT this year, this period is just filled with so many things that are just going right: packed like sardines are events and activities and meeting up and new friends and food and songs and that well-deserved break from NS. So so thankful. But please, help me not miss out on the true meaning of this joy I'm experiencing.

This Christmas does not include shopping sprees or strolls down Orchard Road, but it has a fine quality to it all the same. I want: -
1) a wider vocal range;
2) presents- not a must, catching up with close buddies are;
3) a good family get-together;
4) a renewed passion for God and a willingness to be directed (amidst all the ecstasy I don't wanna lose focus).

Off to watch King Kong now, running late!

A MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERY SINGLE ONE!

doodled
XD

Friday, December 23, 2005
11:03 pm

Yay, it's true. The more bo chup you are about something you should fret about, THE BETTER YOU PERFORM!!! YAY!!!! At least better than last week, definitely..

WHHHOOOOHHHOOOOO. So hyper and high now. KING KONG TOMORROW!! And yes, yes, what else? Next year WE WILL STILL ROCK!!! Yeah.

BLITZ!!! I'm so act cute wor.. Heh.

doodled
XD

I say we start a web site.

doodled
XD

Thursday, December 22, 2005
11:49 pm

I'm finally studying Noteworthy Composer now! My, my, Blitz will finally (PHEW) do it tomorrow!! WE MUST. After that comes relaxation and alotta freed up time for myself and the people around.. YAY. People want me around, but I can't accomodate that, as much as I really want to. But my moods. They're in the way. Why can't I just be nice forever? It's not the teeth problem anymore!

Meanwhile, arguments for and against my faith have taken a backseat because I confidently know and believe the universal verdict! Hah, I just need to practicalize that, serious. Thanks Russell!

And I'm growing increasingly accustomed to shoving aside all of those distractive lifesuckers, namely:-
1) the urge to get super pissed off and flare up and spoil the entire mood for everyone (like today, phew that nothing erupted outta me);
2) that usual self-righteous air about myself and the itching need to prove that I always have a more legitimate argument than others;
3) the trivial distractions I always contend with when I'm in the midst of settling something I originally want to clear off quickly (I easily get sidetracked; wish I could have that girlie trait- more random friends approaching me online aren't helping);
4) that sick feeling of regret for an unaccomplished day that stays inside me for very long;
5) those destructive emotions that make me dwell in long periods of pensiveness (like people making me the brunt of their frustrations, people bringing me down, people or circumstances that easily get on my nerves, see #1..)
..just to name a few. I'm conquering them!! Thank God. And Blitz. You're really great people. Mean it.

But I'm still fighting these: time, and financial management. Which ultimately drains me out of focus from getting into a more macro perspective on life. I've got to start looking back on 2005 soon, it's ending.

My days are shorter and my nights longer whenever I'm on break. Sickening. I guess I've become a geekish addict to blogging. Wahaha. And I'm gonna be contented with whatever degree of 'no-lifer' I'm being called because I'm gonna continue shoving aside those lifesuckers and I'm gonna go on to a New Year revolutionized and shining like I'm just high on life. And it doesn't even matter if I haven't gone to Orchard Road at all these past weeks, or that I'm not doin' stuff that's happenin', because no one's gonna be defining me.

Or this blog, for that matter.

doodled
XD

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
11:20 pm

So cool. Today was trouble-free. No blood-drenched pillow, no sharp pains, no talking difficulties. I'm getting better! Thank God!! YEAH!! Wait. Is there any other deeper reason than a grammatical rule why the letter "I" is spelled in caps? I say it is the SELF placed upon the world's paramount pedestal. Sigh, it's just another one of those irksome observations of mine. Never mind me. Yes, i shouldn't. See that, i shouldn't. Lol. Irony!

Being an interesting and captivating blogger is not necessarily a good thing. People look forward to reading your blog and you are somewhat pressurized to produce entries worthy of your readers' applause and recognition and gratified guffaws. Like an obligation to be a performer of quality and class. Heck! Who gets to say which style should be employed and what content should go up all the time except the ever-changing blogger himself.. A non-reliance on pleasing people. That's how it should be. Keep your hopes low. I want to write for myself to see!

Break, break, break. Itching to meet people. 'Tis the season, ain't it? I'm soo sorry to all for my foul mood The night they came out. And..I don't like to be disturbed when I'm watching shows!

The world as I see it, is suffering from my laziness. I get stuck on one activity too long (and guys, my tenacity of involvement when I get engrossed, it's whoa.) I neglect the more urgent concerns. There's so much I need to settle and so many people I have to catch up on during this break that I can't keep sticking to my comfortable SELFish lifestyle. And it takes will. Lots of it. Or maybe..I should just simplify my agenda.

doodled
XD

Tuesday, December 20, 2005
10:41 pm

Imagine getting a jab of anesthesia. Then thin layers of your lower left and upper left gums are sliced off. Using spasmodic jerks and yanks (head held firm in place) to remove the upper chump, and a rotating disc razor to saw the lower dude into two, saliva and blood mix to replace the cavities. Then a thin wire was used to apply tight pressure to seal up the bloody mess.

Fine. All the blood's fluid and tasty in your mouth, quite palatable. Then PHWOOMPH.
The tightness sets in.
The sensations kick in.
The abrupt burst of a scorching sting.
On and off, like pulsating rings,
The gauze I bit harder: fainting stints.

Then imagine trying to manage a strong front. Beneath, the SALT to mah wounds - like fresh chilipadi gRoUnD ONTOOO the barenaked gum's flesh (it was stiched up already of course, the anesthesia was wearing off).. take that multiplied by an hour-long bus ride BACK TO CAMP mannn. Frail limbs and soggy gauzes. Curious stares and gapingbludfilledgroaning mouth. OOWWWWWWW (ooh, arghh, grrrr). The day would have ended with me sooo much earlier and happier at home if not for that mad rush out of camp in the morn to get this teeth issue settled. Left my essentials in camp in my haste. What a way to waste time.. darn agonizing booze..bus.

Oh booze. To add to the ouch was yesterday's torturous Tiramisu Latte which turned out gud!?! - as an impressive musthave for all overnight studysessions, that is..anyway it was so caffeine-potent that I lay wide awake on my bed in the bunk all the way till 4-plus am, practising on my vocal range, praying for a better world and sms-ing a tough nut (lolZ). My stomach upset; bloated and churning - was full of combatants vying for top place in a foodfighttt!! ~Tiramisu Latte~ Ahhh.. strictly for that stronger woman than myself..to enjoy. Then guess what? Yes, you got it! Lack of sleep for the entire todayyy.

To console moiself, it was quite comforting to know that the weekend before had been all about sumptuous indulgences in the luxuries of the BRRRRRRRR..ight and sunny days of our lives. Wha? Ya. Food. And stuff. Aiyah all those la check those last entriesss I wanta sleep ya, ya..and wake up with a pool of blood on my pillow like all those predecessors of mine who plucked what I plucked cos we're all plucky schmucky.

ANDDDD I'll have to be contented with this lonngggg break I earned for myself once again. But as the pain wanes, I'll be getting used to sticking within the confines of WWW and SMS. Bedridden..whoops bedridden poorthings hafta act like bedridden poorthings, no? Can't exercise, can't yawn to the width I'm used to, can't get over-excitedd. Otherwise they will snap. And my silence and tranquility is sooo getting to my nerves. I am getting mad with cheaterbugs of money. I am getting mad that I can't get hyperrr. I am getting mad that I might not be able to sing this Friday. I am getting mad that I can't express my exasperation without people misunderstanding and getting victimized. I am getting mad that someone is so adamant in proving his point to the extent that I'm refuting whilst caught in a web of emotion. I am maddd madd mad that I can't keep myself consistently riding atop of my waves..and that I am being that ugly and sore. I am getting soooo mad I might be cooped up at home all day long till I start to gnash and snap those wires loose. Shackled. For now. ARRGHHHHHH!!! (ouch, oops)

6-day MC shiok my armpit!! Get me outtt. And get me wellll...haiyerrrr!!!!
Ok. I reckon that once stuff like caffeine and anesthesia have worn off, the next to go is the patience. It's a package thing. Thankew Blogger. Phew.

Blitz I'm soo sorrrriieee.

Now where are them painkillers. And this continuous bloodflow might cause me to start running a temp. Vampirical.

doodled
XD

Monday, December 19, 2005
10:43 pm

I need to blog this. I don't know what the previous entry was about. My pain is widespread. My chest is aching, my ass bone hurts, my head's spinning, my throat was sore, my limbs are soft as rubber and my tooth area is swelling. All because of the push-ups, cycling, too much sleep (too much on my mind too), heaty food, lethargy and the wisdom tooth acting up. Respectively!

I am not Abel to stand going back to camp againnn. I hope I can get the dental appointment quickly, I need another break. No one's around in camp tomorrow anyway.

What a babe. Hot! Cos she's cold. Cutting away the saliva, I need to get a grip and move on. Time's a wastin' with mah blindness. Not the least bit distracted. Not a chance I'm gonna yield. Name's Abel. So am I.
Need to poo with all that food just now. And the Tiramisu Latte? Yuck.

Happy with my choices. How you doin', John?

doodled
XD

What makes people drawn to exploring fear and lust is curiosity; THEN, what soon follows is an addictive enslavement. Abstinence from being put into a place of temptation is NOT a sign of apprehension or weakness; it is wisdom. That's right, to be out of this world is, literally, a call for strong willpower and sober judgement. Not to be led away by the torrents of the shared consciousness of this world; but to stay rooted within the foundations of Truth and Love. That is the difficulty of being a Christian.

Gloomy Sunday inherently has an underlying spiritual appeal to be able to cause such mass feelings of depression and thus inducing suicidal tendencies. Yet there are people who still thrust themselves toward the Dark, dreadful principalities of fear.
Pornography and the works can turn into a daily dosage for some, when one's will decides to succumb to hedonism and a warped sense of sex, or sexual fulfillment for that matter.

Abstinence, though not durably effective in the long-term, still works nevertheless in aiding in better Will control; and would ideally lead to a macro-level boon in the form of a societal paradigm shift. Abstinence is not the suppression of one's desires. It is a fleeing. And because expression is obviously much healthier than suppression, let's all find our own avenues of expression that is rooted in love.

As the Bible so liberally puts it in 1 Corinthians 10:23 (rephrased): everything is permissible, but not everything is profitable. This is The Believer's Freedom. Let not fear or condemnation be the dominant force in one's choice to abstain from all perversion! Because if happiness is the key for all (it is, isn't it?), then happiness is most definitely an issue of Choice. And that one choice you make, whichever it may be...dictates your destiny.

doodled
XD

Sunday, December 18, 2005
10:30 pm

~Oo0~'Tis the season, don't get sick..~0oO~

Back to normal. Joy to the goosie!~ A blitz is a sudden aerial attack. Christmas is comin', the goose is gettin' puii.. why not turkey??!!? Blitz Chalet!! Again again againnn!!! Movie marathons and snacks AND making food and talking ghosts and laughing at the poorthings. And singing like mad. And shivering without covers in the 22 degrees Celsius freezer. And waking up late. And lazing around. And...the next time, make it longer, with more people!! Hahaah. And wow, what an awesome host plus stellar service!!!!!!!!!! Licheee. And da cutie. Heh.

Okay. Hyperactive begets hyperactive. This Friday, WE WILL RULE.

And whoa, here goes the list of foooooodd since the longlong break from NS started:-
1) Thursday - slept the whole day, lunch and dinner was both zhi cha. Not so baddd.

2) Friday afternoon - BEST YONG TAU FOO IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD; nighttime (was starvinggg) - Ramly Burger (it oozes, muack); Friday night (later still) - 1 seafood cup noodles, 1 chicken cup noodles; freeflow fruit punch..I think? Spanglish can choke you. Be warned.

3) Saturday (late) morning - awww, so sweet, breakfast in bed: char siew pau and siew mai; lunch was mee suah with mushrooms, chicken meat, fish slices, nice gravy, dunnowad veg and the latent heat. Aaah. Then at night- Adriel's BBQ!!!! Otah, prawns, bee hoon, satay, chicken chop, marshmallows, crabsticks, some fruit, blah blahh..& DA BIRTHDAY CAKE!! (some dark chocolate flavour which ached the wisdom soso much). Adriel has a neat gym for a bedroom, a spellbinding Shih Tzu (it was literally puppy love here for me, sooo cuuuute!), and I then debuted on a pogo stick, and had a thrilling bike ride home, xiexie Xinkang. At home - potluckkk. Nothing notably delectable cos nothing else could make its way down moi stomach. Bloated!! Still later at Lichee's home - lovely mashed potatoes and then some black cherry yoghurt. Sandra Bullock aced Armed And Fabulous. Fully Loaded egged on the descent of the eyelids.

4) Temp dropped viciously. Blankets were nowhere in sight. *brrr* Ham and cheese sandwich for the morning meal.. THEN. Bye Licheee. You da bomb!! Henry and Melissa tooo..BLITZ!!! Oooh..breathe. Yes. Then, cell group potluckkk!!! Yesterday's potluck leftovers from my sis' party helped me so much in my last minute contribution today. Spaghetti Bolognaise, chicken: nuggets, franks and winglets, fish nuggets, hash brown, guo tie, fishballs, egg sandwich, potato salad, log cake AND a Christmas Tree-shaped agar-agar (thankew MA)!! Orange cordial. Camaraderie enhanced mannn. A creative candle-blowing, wish-making ceremony, a Christmassy atmosphere of joy & song, a stark announcement that came earlier than expected (we lost a gem; yet gained the opportunity to reveal others), AND the appetite was sealed shut with a well-nigh abhorrence toward food. An East Coast Park BBQ with Clara's biggg family helped conclude the foodfest saga..pumpkin soup, some sushi and an apple Slurpee.

Yayy. Surprisingly, no pot-belly because the timely cycling and push-ups negated the effects of gluttony. I think.

But the wisdom hurts like anything..especially when it slices through the flesh in the mouth. An upsetting obstruction to the full enjoyment of those delicacies, grrr.. But Tuesday!! ...is when I take matters into my own hands - because the plucking of the wisdom tooth= an extension of this break. More food, more Blitz. Whhooohhoooo.

doodled
XD

Never gone. Just that these past few days and nights have been teeming with OUTDOOR activities for me. Why are people's blogs always updated every single day? It's like this: the regular, nightly bloggers who usually post their entries around the mundane scope of 'The Interesting Activities I Did Today', 'Criticisms I'd Love To Have Passed At That Annoying Auntie Just Now' or (sweetly) 'All I Ever Wanted To Do With My Boyfriend Tomorrow', within the proximity of <10pm-12am>-ish every night - all have a disturbing obsession with their virtual haven. A committed, nightly devotion to a reliable(?) avenue of release. An unbending and routine appointment with the inanimate. A mentality glitch that yearns to exhibit one's colourful, involved life; while the Allthatisdeeperthanthat hardly squirms out of hiding to even attempt to pass off as blogworthy. Which then makes me want to scream at the lives people build for themselves. Sure, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with having exciting, enlivened experiences in life to share with people about. But with closer examination, a deficiency, somewhat - is detectable.

I am like this too. But it is always good, at times, to be one who is from the outside looking in.

doodled
XD

Friday, December 16, 2005
1:09 am

Just now, Eva Longoria reminded me of Kristin Kreuk which then led to Alyssa Milano and Liv Tyler all vying for Fiona Xie's spot.
I wanna dream now, take me away. This sucks..

Give me strength to cross this water.
Keep my feet, don't let me falter.

Enthused no more. Don't call at night.

doodled
XD

Thursday, December 15, 2005
7:47 pm

I think I'm changing in the way I write on my blog. No more cryptic entries which I won't be able to make sense of twenty years down the road when I chance upon the long-forsaken blog again.

And what's wrong with me? I'm so stuck to the computer that my dinner's suffering the chills. It's making my digestive tract dysfunctional.
I can't multi-task laa. Trying to send files, receive songs, chat on MSN, study Noteworthy (Oh no it's tomorrow!!!), eAtInG, blog, surf, blaahh blaahh. Cough, sneeze (What?!?!? It's tomorrow lehhz!!) Can't afford to have that.

And when I was having my lunch today, I thought I personally witnessed Insatiable. Hahaa? A mix of curiosity and confusion. I was in a daze. I thought I was imagining it. But right here and now?! SOoO oblivious, yet unabashed. Oh well, one day for me.

At least not now, when I'm in such a frenzy. LUAN4. Someone's visiting soon. And I'm leaving soon, ALSO. Ugh. SOOO BEAUTIFUL.
LURVE THAT SONG, by the way.

Haha, I love arbitrariness. Prac!

doodled
XD

What a way to waste the day away.. But heck!! Today I OFFFFFF. Enjoy only.

Slept all the way through till 6pm today, with a lunch break and a couple of toilet breaks in between. And the handphone was facing bombardment. But.. it's time to relaxxzz. No more stress, no more living under constant regimentation.. TILL MONDAY! Like a release of built-up shit.

Feeling a little under the weather today though. The nose had a particular gait.. not exactly running. The throat would be fine because I ate some heaty foods. Rrrighttt. Lol. Cold lunch rather. Lala. Oh well hyper la me. Plus somewhat miserable deep inside. Time to go gym (Monday); and time to entertain myself.
Saturday! Church! Re-calibrate my mindsettt and my heart..

And yes, STAYOVER.

doodled
XD

I am downright lazy. I always sleep and miss calls.

I am unfortunately vulnerable. This pseudo-clarity is blaring through my thick heart and out of my mouth; and yet I am still taking it for granted.

I am so thanking you, Blitz. We shall blow them off like siao.

So, so tired, that my mind's detached from its habitual droning. And my heart's frigid toward its unforgivable inadequacies.
So, so tired, that the time is fake. And I shall continue blogging later. Today will NOT be that which yesterday failed to provide for.

Prone to yield to the world of neverending shifts - where is the anchored buoy? How much more dilution can one take?

doodled
XD

Monday, December 12, 2005
8:27 pm

Why why why why whyyyyy. People complain I too cheem in my blog, then SOOOOO many things to do in this entire month... not done yet! Then sooooo stressss like I'm biting off more than I can chew. Cannot tahan maannn. See? Singlish. I did it!! Haa.
Lichee, heehee. Sounds like my direct superior's REAL name.

But somehow I'm enjoying this (?!?!!?), albeit amidst my sufferance.
And bridged relationships do alot of good to the general emotions: mood, and spirits and all. =) Mended. But Warier.

And can someone teach me how to include a space for viewers to type in their URL on the tagboard??

doodled
XD

Saturday, December 10, 2005
1:41 am

I always seem to have swarms of ideas streaming through my brain in the day. Stuff that I'd like to put down in my blog at night. And every time I want to start blogging I lose these stealthy thoughts. Exhausted.

Why must people go ZoukOut what's so great about ZoukOut I don't want to go ZoukOut they think going ZoukOut gives you a glimpse into adulthood you don't have to go ZoukOut to be a better person I want to go ZoukOut. Delirious.

And so that sums up this week.

Was chatting in the bunk some time this week with Mr. Choir Maestro aka Resonemus. And what was so captivating was not so much the sharing of insights and theories but rather the pressing urge to emulate him. An effortless, resounding articulation can really help boost one's vocals, yes every single use of it. I want vocal lessons. And guitaring. Who wants to be more patient than me, now? Lee Ryans! Wanya Morris! Darren Hayes! David Tao! Anybody?!! Under-prepared.

Words carry with it so much potency. So actually, superstitious people have no problem understanding the important universal truth of living out what you confess. Stuff like "Don't say that! Very suay one, know?" And "Choi la, today won't happen la. Wash your mouth!" Ooo. Yay. Beeeeppppp. Only partially accurate, dearies. What about the positive charges? The bright qualities? The Sun through the clouds? The 'good fortune' and optimism in their speech? Their work ethic is that certain taboos are shunned. Fear. Accept and agree --> more.

SO MANY UPCOMING ACTIVITIES LEFT DISORGANIZED AND UNPLANNED. SO MANY PERSONAL AFFAIRS TO ATTEND TO. SO MANY PRESSING CONCERNS AND THEIR WRAPPING UP THAT ARE LONG OVERDUE. And oh, presents aren't used as puns anymore because they prioritize more psychological particles as personal palisades than in pursuing the presents' purifying purpose.

It is like hearing a faint "help" from within - as though it is more of a statement than a plea. That's it. No more self-reliance and fending for oneself with a guised certainty.

Come, January.

doodled
XD

Thursday, December 08, 2005
9:24 pm

My body has been subject to gruelling torment. Common aches amongst all in the Gym Squad. These past consecutive days have seen an enraged, full-blown drive at pumping up the beef. The personal musculature, of course.
And yes, the consumption of spectacular junk - fast food, breakfasts from the camp canteen and most recently of all a BBQ. All downed in unforeseen haste and.. an engorged mid-section takes shape. But continuous visits to the weight room make for offsetting the adiposity.

Life in camp shapes your habits. I've been eating more quickly - yes, suffering from it. In addition, at the corporate level: laziness, gossip and being critical - yes, I succumb albeit unwillingly. A glamourous outer coating of hedonism. A repressive moralism births forth. A Voice beckons otherwise. And a voice intrudes, warmly enticing. Then a voice decides, and acts. And the voices swim around interminably, profuse in their copious speech.

But the door of new beginnings is opening. So I must worry less, and trust Him more. Act quickly - no hesitance or procrastination. AND, helping others does not preclude sparing a thought for oneself. Control, and relent.. togetherr. I've got to care less about minuscule trivialities. They are way too impeding. And unconventionally paranoid thought patterns? They complicate matters.

"Please forgive me, I know not what I do."

It's personal, yes.

doodled
XD

Sunday, December 04, 2005
4:21 am

Teppanyaki Burger eaten. Check.
Fish Ole Burger eaten. Check.
MSN back in working condition. Check.
Goblet Of Fire watched. Check.
Financial precariousness checked.

Up through ungodly hours. Checking.
Life of wreck. Checkmate.

doodled
XD

Saturday, December 03, 2005
12:40 am

"Immaculately trudging down the linear circle:

No end in sight; no end in mind.

Acquiescence of the vulnerabilities -

Chains of clinging; chains of relenting."

I'm feeling a wild blend of: exhaustion turning into indiscriminate indifference; AND the yanking of the reins at the verge of resignation.

Attentive and industrious sloth; fruitless success and joy. A concoction based in confusion and harmony both at the same time.

Aren't we all glad we exist in the realm of the Relative? It's either this or that. The world of the Absolute should most likely be oxymoronic. Or does the paradox lie in Extreme Moderation? And if, in this world, "Everything in moderation" is so widely advocated as the surefire way to make it good in life, what level of moderation does that entail? Extreme or just moderate?

You're confused, and I'm clear about this. But I'm not sure you're clear. And you're sure I'm confused. See? Moderation. Balance.

And the duality of Nature? Pure energy is, essentially, God? Angels And Demons made me write this.
What about Maybe? The grey area?

doodled
XD

Thursday, December 01, 2005
9:08 pm

Home is where tiredness turns to energy.

doodled
XD